What is a woman anyway?

“I don’t really know how to be a girl,” my student confessed. She was wearing a pink, flowered top with jeans, men’s shoes, and a short, spiky haircut. This beautiful teenage girl is only one of thousands of young women wondering what femininity really is and if it’s worth it.

I have numerous biologically female students (ie. they were born female) who profess to be gay or trans. This phenomenon seems to be prevalent in girls more than boys. I have had several interesting conversations with them, and the things they have told me are revealing. Some of the main reasons they tell me they have varied from the biological and heterosexual norms are:

“I have always liked ‘boy’ things, like sports and boys’ clothes.”

“My dad always treated me like a boy, so it’s more comfortable.”

“I was raped by a man, so I don’t think I could ever be in a relationship with one.”

“I don’t really know how to be a woman, and I am attracted to girls. Doesn’t that mean I should just be trans?”

“I don’t know. I just know I’m not like girls on social media. I don’t know where I fit in.”

“Being a woman seems weak. I want to be strong so no one can hurt me.”

These are just some of the reasons I’ve heard. I expressed empathy and kindness to these students, but I felt sad at the same time. Some of these are big reasons. And I hate that these girls have gone through so much trauma and confusion. I hate that they are struggling with such huge issues that I don’t believe kids should have to struggle with at such a young age.

But another thing I hate is that, in most of these circumstances, these girls are rejecting who they are. And they are rejecting the privilege of being female.

I think our culture has turned from the oppression of women throughout history—you know, when women were seen as another piece of property—and has twisted it all around so that being a woman is still considered a bad thing. Instead of being unable to vote or to own their own businesses, now women are “liberated” to the point that they can choose not to be a woman at all.

Why not want to be a woman? Because our culture actually values traditionally masculine traits like physical strength, having a career, being emotionally distant, etc. above feminine traits. It is looked down upon to be vulnerable, gentle, meek, or a mother. We see more and more female heroes in movies, but they are usually stoic and unfeminine. There are tons of female music artists, but they often make women look like sex objects instead of valuable human beings.

Our postmodern society thinks we have “evolved” to the point of liberating women above all past cultures, but maybe we are just projecting the same values and dressing them up to look different.

You see, God truly values women. In her book, Captivating, Stasi Eldridge pointed out that when God made the earth He went from the most basic things to the most complex. He created the simple parts (like dirt) in the beginning and, as the days went on, His creation became more detailed and more beautiful. What do you think was the final masterpiece of His creation? The last thing He made?… Woman! He sees woman as His crowning glory.

Jesus also cherished women during His time on earth. Bruce Marciano’s book, Jesus, the Man Who Loved Women, opened my eyes to this. Jesus broke social norms to treat women with compassion and show them they had value. There are numerous occasions in the Bible where He went out of his way to make a woman know that she was important (Mark 5:25-28, Luke 13:10-13, John 4:6-7, and many more).

I am still seeking to understand what exactly being a woman really means. It is something I have wrestled with a lot in my life. But one thing I do know is that being a girl/woman is not a bad thing. It is an honor. It is not something we should run from, but something we should embrace. We are an expression of God’s love that He created in the first book of the Bible (Genesis, chapters 1 and 2). We are made in God’s image. Yes, we are different from men, but that difference is good. Yes, we are often the more vulnerable humans (physically and while raising children), but we bring actual life to the world! Men can’t make people; only we can! What a privilege we have, ladies. Let us cherish our place in God’s plan for the world. Women are His beloved creation!

Note to my readers: I am planning to research and write more about what it means to be female. Please feel free to comment or send me your recommendations of articles or books to read on the subject. I would love to hear from you. -Lauren Lnewsom77@protonmail.com

We All Deserve to be Cancelled

Anyone else notice the new American fear? It’s not terrorism or earthquakes. It’s something that haunts us in a deeper level: the fear of being cancelled.

Just a few years ago, Americans discussed different viewpoints with an ounce of civility. There was always Uncle Fred—or that neighbor that gets real emotional—and you’d see someone explode in rage. That happens.

But something has changed this past year. Americans are taking sides. Disagreements that used to cause a little distance are causing divisions in families, churches, communities, and more.

There is a new mindset that has permeated popular culture since 2020. We can thank the race riots and the riotous race for president. The media trumpets this message louder every day:

“If you don’t fall in line, you will be kicked out of the crowd.”

There is a media stronghold in this country, and anyone who opposes it—or even just says something they consider disagreeable—that person gets “cancelled.” In other words: shunned. Pushed out of the discussion about the country. Snubbed from having any right to say anything. It’s the grown up equivalent to your parents sending you to your room when they didn’t “like your tone of voice.”

Popular culture has created a new religion, and it’s called “being woke.” The way to earn your salvation is to toe the line and be as politically correct as you can be. Your righteousness is in how “woke” you prove yourself to be.

Americans are shaking in their Nikes over this. What do we do? What if it happens to me? Will I be cancelled?

Here’s the truth: We all deserve to be cancelled.

The Bible says, “There is none righteous, no not one.” (Romans 3:10) All of us fall short of righteousness. All of us sin. None of us are good enough.

The media and its pundits would have us believe that we must think a certain way or vote a certain way or we are “bigots” or “racists” or “Uncle Toms.” Even though we know these labels aren’t true, they strike fear into our hearts. (I’m guilty of this fear too.) But the righteousness of the woke means nothing to God.

When we stand before God—not as an ethnic group or a race or a gender, but as individual humans—we will each see how our “good deeds” meant nothing to earn our individual salvation. Only those who believe in Jesus as their Savior will be seen as clean. Our social justice involvement won’t earn us a pass. Neither will our amount of melanin. How oppressed we feel or what gender we are won’t get us a better spot in Heaven.

“Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved.”

Acts 16:31

Only Jesus. Only He can save us. Only He can make us worthy. Because it’s not about anything we do or have done, it’s only about what He did for us on the cross. We have all sinned (yes, even bad thoughts are sin) and deserve eternal punishment in Hell. But Jesus Christ stepped in and voluntarily took that punishment in our place. That fact means that my future is secure no matter what the world thinks about me.

So, bring on the cancel culture. We all deserve it. But if you’re a believer, Jesus steps in and says, “You can cancel her, but I never will.”

What I Learned While Driving Uber

So I started driving for Uber on the weekends just to bring in some extra cash. I was a little nervous, being a woman. I didn’t know if it would be safe.

People told me, “Just deliver food.” But I didn’t want to; I wanted to carry people. I thought I’d just try it out.

I’m glad I did.

I have learned a lot. I’ve learned that this country is not as divided as they say. People are still people. Political parties and “Institutional” divisions have not destroyed Americans.

You see, the critics want us to focus on the “them.” They want us to see divisions in our heads. To expect to be treated badly. To see “that group” as our enemies. They want us always seeing differences between us and other groups.

But when people get into my car they are not a group, a race, a political party. They are an individual. A unique human being, created by God. Beautiful in their uniqueness. Not just one in a crowd. Not just a member of an ethnic group or a skin color.

None of that matters in my car.

We see each other as people. We talk like friends. My riders and I laugh and share stories and act like what we are: people made in the image of God, brought together for a short car trip but connecting as human beings.

I wish we could all see each other that way every day. Free of tensions and stereotypes and fears. I pray daily for God to help me see each person I encounter through His eyes. He’s working on me and answering that prayer.

So, next time you ride Uber, especially if it’s my car, take the time to enjoy the miracle of a person driving or sitting beside you or in the cars around you. We are all worth getting to know.

I Admit to my Affair

Ok, this is confession time. I have had an affair going on for years—not against my husband but against my Savior. And the only person it’s hurt has been me. It’s not an affair with a man; it’s an affair with something even more tempting.

Food.

Yep, this is embarrassing to admit, but I have struggled with this affair since I was about ten. I remember starting my first diet (consisting of trying not to eat the whole family size bag of M&M’s myself) around that time. By the time I hit high school I was committed to daily exercise and only eating 20 grams of fat a day (of course, fat free chips were free game). In college, after purposefully getting myself addicted to Diet Coke, I increased the exercising and graduated to Slim Fast. I was able to keep my weight down until my second child was born (when I was around 30) and since then the struggle has been more obvious (on my waistline).

I’ve realized, however, that the struggle isn’t truly with my weight. And it isn’t really with the rules of my diet. My struggle is with myself.

My biggest problem is that I don’t want to deny myself. I want what I want when I want it.

Ok, yes, I do believe that sugar and carbs are addictive and that I have an emotional connection to food. I know that I am an emotional eater, that I’ve established bad habits over the years and that I would feel much better to go gluten free. I know I get in the shame cycle of addiction and eat more when I feel hopeless because of the four pizza slices I ate last night.

These are all what I would say if someone told me this was their problem. I would “diagnose” them with so many typical eating issues.

But the real problem is my heart. I am a sinner saved by grace, and, while I don’t struggle with stealing or violent crime, I do struggle with saying “No” to myself. This is the age old struggle of humankind: the desire to be our own god. We want to control our lives without God, the “cosmic killjoy,” telling us what to do.

But Jesus tells us in His Word, “If anyone comes after me, let him deny himself and follow me.” (Matthew 16:24) He goes on to say that if we want to save our lives we must lose our lives. This doesn’t really mean dying; it means giving up our selfish desires.

That is my problem. A daily struggle with giving up my desires minute by minute, for what God desires for me.

And we know what God desires for us is good. (If you doubt that read Psalm 34, Jeremiah 29:11 and Psalm 139.)

So, I would appreciate your prayers and comments if you are struggling with this too. Or with anything else pulling you from God’s best. We can fight this day by day with God’s Word in our hands.

Please feel free to contact me if you have a question, comment or need prayer! Lnewsom77@protonmail.com