Category: love

Love Beats Fear

Published on by Thesearchforhappilyeverafter

In bed the other night my husband and I got into a discussion. Ok, it was an argument. One of those arguments that ends with you both turning to face the opposite sides of the bed, fuming.

I was crushed, and it took me awhile to fall asleep. I couldn’t get our argument out of my mind, and I was sad that we felt so disconnected.

As I laid there, I talked to God about my disappointment, and He reminded me of 1 John 4:18:

“Perfect love casts out fear.”

Suddenly I realized that we were just responding to each other in fear. Fear led to our argument, and fear made us too stubborn to let the other one have the last word.

But God. God is Love. And perfect love casts out fear. That night the Lord reminded me that I have Him, and since I have Him I have love, the most powerful force in the world.

I simply have to choose love, not fear.

According to the Bible, Love is patient, kind, unselfish, forgiving, mature, giving, faithful, truth-loving, good, trusting, and humble (I Corinthians 13).

Also, the Bible tells us that “God is love” (1 John 4:16); therefore, whatever is a characteristic of God is also a characteristic of love. God is light and there is no darkness in Him (1 John 1:5). God was willing to humble Himself to save us (Philippians 2). He tells us Ge is the good shepherd, and a good shepherd will leave the 99 other sheep to find the one lost sheep (Matthew 18).

Therefore, we know that these are characteristics of love. Love humbles itself. It risks rejection. It tries again and again. It cares more to serve than to be served. It does not fear what could go wrong.

Love simply gives and trusts God with the result. So my job isn’t to fear. It’s to trust and give love, even to those who don’t deserve it.

And, yes, sometimes I feel like my husband doesn’t deserve it. (I’m sure he feels the same way about me at times.) But love means I ignore fear and I give anyway.

I’d like to end with a link to of one of my favorite songs by Cory Asbury: “Reckless Love”…

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Do you really know how to love?

Published on by Thesearchforhappilyeverafter

If someone asked you to make a list of the people who you really, truly love, how many names would you come up with?

Ok, now answer this question: How many of those people would you still love if they betrayed you? Or hurt someone you loved? Or caused you to lose your job? How many of them would you still love if they publicly rejected you? If they tried to turn everyone against you? If they became absolutely unlovable?

Most people would take a few names off the list. Some might even throw the whole list away. Not many people would continue to show love to someone who hurt them like that. It wouldn’t seem logical to consider those people worthy of our time.

Most people have a maximum amount of abuse they will take before considering the other person unlovable. The average human would feel it’s more than reasonable to turn their back on someone once they’ve reached this point. I admit I sometimes feel completely justified in treating these people less kindly, or at least giving them the cold shoulder. Most of us definitely wouldn’t go out of our way to be nice to them. Nobody would look down on us for defriending them on Facebook or even for telling everyone how much they hurt us.

Lately, however, I’ve been thinking about how God views things so differently. When my husband really hurts my feelings, I want to ignore him all day. (Not that chill type of ignoring; more like the really obvious, slamming doors kind of ignoring!) During our worst fights I’ve even struggled with wanting to take the kids and leave.

But God has been teaching me something lately about love. I’m not really living his love until I’m loving the unlovable.* It’s easy to love people who are nice to you and cute little babies (except when they wake you up at 4 am). Jesus loved beyond our earthly, shallow love. He loved us at our worst, and his love was action, not just words.

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭5:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Jesus Christ didn’t tell us to get our crap together and maybe after we were living like “good Christians” He’d consider sacrificing for us. He gave His life for us without strings attached. He knew all the bad things you and I would do in our lives (cuz He’s God, He knows everything!) and He still made that choice. That’s love.

In his book, Love Like You’ve Never Been Hurt, Jentezen Franklin writes, “You have to love like you’ve never been hurt. You have to refuse to be bitter. You have to refuse to get angry. You have to refuse to get even. When you love in this way, God will raise you up and use even the worst that has been done to you for His glory.”

This is real love. Love that chooses to be kind, forgive, serve, stay married, show up, etc. Even when that person doesn’t deserve it. Especially if that person doesn’t deserve it.

So I’ve realized that before now I wasn’t really loving my husband. I was only showing love when I thought he deserved it. God wants to transform our marriage and use it to bring joy to us and others. In order for that to happen I’ve got to love like Jesus. He’s the one who taught me how to really love.

*(Note: I’m not saying you should endure abuse. There are times you have to love people from a safe space and pray they get help they need. If you are in a relationship where you are afraid of what someone will do next—physically or mentally—get out, get to a safe place, and find some safe people! I’ve been there before, and God does not want you staying in danger like that.)