my dreams

I am a dreamer. Not really in the sense of dreaming up lofty or romantic plans for the future. No, I’m actually talking about dreams. Nightly dreams. I dream every night and almost always remember my dreams.

And the weird thing about my dreams, since my divorce, is that almost every single one of them is about a man in love with me. Different men almost every time–sometimes a celebrity, sometimes a stranger–but they are always pursuing a love relationship with me.

These dreams are always pure and sweet. The men, almost always strong and attractive, are always treating me kindly and making me feel cherished. I feel safe and loved when I wake. We go out to eat or take a walk or dance together.

(My favorite dream man is Chris Evans as Captain America–he’s kind, good, gentle, oh so nice to look at!)

For the first few months of having these dreams I thought I was just going through withdrawal from having a husband. Or, I thought, it could be hormones.

However, the dreams continued, and I started to remember a prayer I prayed a while back: “Jesus, help me to understand how much you love me.” I remembered asking Him to reveal how He is the lover of my soul and how His love is greater than any human love.

Then I started to notice verses:

“As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so your God rejoices over you…”       Isaiah 62:5

“Your maker is your husband.”   Isaiah 54:5

There’s also chapter 2 of the book of Hosea where God is showing His unconditional love for us by the story of a man name Hosea who lovingly pursues his wife over and over, even when she cheats on him repeatedly. The story represents how God lovingly pursues our hearts even though we often pursue other things, trying to fill our hearts with hollow pleasures.

All of these things started to fit together, along with my dreams, and I started to realize something: God is pursuing me. He is pursuing my heart, working hard to show me that He is the lover of my soul. He loves me more than any human ever could. He is more faithful than the best husband. He is more wonderful than the best romantic relationship with a man I could ever have. Jesus is the perfect man. He is all I need. He has been reaching out to me through these dreams, making me feel loved and held and protected and cherished. He cares. He really cares. He wants me to feel loved, and He’s been doing it through the little, nightly movies in my head.

Once I realized what was going on I felt special. What an honor that I am getting love messages from the God of the universe–and in the form of superheroes and handsome gentlemen. I feel privileged.

It reminds me of one of my favorite verses: “He brought me to his banquet table; His banner over me is love…” (Song of Solomon 2:4). I just picture a groom standing up at his wedding reception and proclaiming loudly, “I LOVE THIS WOMAN!!” (kind of a verbal banner.) He so cherishes his bride that he wants to proclaim it to the world!

I’ve always wanted someone to feel that way about me…and now I realize Someone does. Jesus has a banner over me that reads “Love.” I am His cherished one. He loves me even more than any husband could.

I am His Beloved.

I’ll end this with a picture of my one and only tattoo. See if you can figure out why I got this word…I needed a daily reminder, and there it is on my wrist. The Lover of my soul calls me His beloved.

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