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Love Beats Fear

Published on by Thesearchforhappilyeverafter

In bed the other night my husband and I got into a discussion. Ok, it was an argument. One of those arguments that ends with you both turning to face the opposite sides of the bed, fuming.

I was crushed, and it took me awhile to fall asleep. I couldn’t get our argument out of my mind, and I was sad that we felt so disconnected.

As I laid there, I talked to God about my disappointment, and He reminded me of 1 John 4:18:

“Perfect love casts out fear.”

Suddenly I realized that we were just responding to each other in fear. Fear led to our argument, and fear made us too stubborn to let the other one have the last word.

But God. God is Love. And perfect love casts out fear. That night the Lord reminded me that I have Him, and since I have Him I have love, the most powerful force in the world.

I simply have to choose love, not fear.

According to the Bible, Love is patient, kind, unselfish, forgiving, mature, giving, faithful, truth-loving, good, trusting, and humble (I Corinthians 13).

Also, the Bible tells us that “God is love” (1 John 4:16); therefore, whatever is a characteristic of God is also a characteristic of love. God is light and there is no darkness in Him (1 John 1:5). God was willing to humble Himself to save us (Philippians 2). He tells us Ge is the good shepherd, and a good shepherd will leave the 99 other sheep to find the one lost sheep (Matthew 18).

Therefore, we know that these are characteristics of love. Love humbles itself. It risks rejection. It tries again and again. It cares more to serve than to be served. It does not fear what could go wrong.

Love simply gives and trusts God with the result. So my job isn’t to fear. It’s to trust and give love, even to those who don’t deserve it.

And, yes, sometimes I feel like my husband doesn’t deserve it. (I’m sure he feels the same way about me at times.) But love means I ignore fear and I give anyway.

I’d like to end with a link to of one of my favorite songs by Cory Asbury: “Reckless Love”…

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The problem with complaining

Published on by Thesearchforhappilyeverafter

The problem with life is that it never goes how we want.

I learned in Al-anon that I can only control a few things in life. I have to accept all the other stuff and try to make the best of it.

But lots of times I choose to complain instead. Or I feel sorry for myself. Neither work. Complaining makes me and others around me miserable, and self-pity just makes me more depressed.

I was just reading today in my Bible in Philippians, and I had written a note on the page from a sermon a year ago. It says, “Paul never asks them to pray that he’ll be released from prison.” Now if you know about the apostle Paul you know he spent most of his time in prison once he started following Christ. In fact, the book of Philippians is actually a letter he wrote to Christians in Philippians from jail. So he wrote this whole letter telling them to be like Christ and stand firm and pray for other believers, but he never said, “Oh and pray for me to get out of this place!”

Could I do that? Could I be so content (like Paul claims to be in Philippians chapter 4) that I don’t even ask anyone to pray my situation gets better? While I’m in jail? (and their jails back there were bad—nothing like jail in America today!)

I recently read an old sermon by Charles Spurgeon called “The Disappointed.” In it Spurgeon says,

“Remember that God has never promised that all our expectations shall be fulfilled;…Who are you that everything should happen just as you wish? Should the weather be fine simply because you want it to be so when a thousand fields are gasping for rain? Should you have the channels of trade turned in your direction when, if that were the case, scores of others would be impoverished? Is everything in this world to be so arranged that you shall be the darling and pet of providence?”

Wow. When you put it like that, Chuck, I see things from a whole different perspective. How many times have I “asked for prayer” for my situation to change, when I was partly just trying to complain in a more church-appropriate way? Have I sought the Lord in asking Him to help me to be content in my circumstance? Have I said, “Your will be done?” Or have I whined and cried and complained like a spoiled little girl? (or like a spoiled American) Have I focused outward on others and their troubles? Or do I only care about myself?

If I really trust God, I will be willing to accept both good and bad from Him (like Job). I will accept what He sends me (although it won’t be easy) and trust that He really does work all things out for my good (Romans 8:28).

In fact, complaining actually shows that a person doesn’t really trust God at all. It’s kind of like holding up your middle finger to God and saying, “I don’t like this! You messed up!” Because if God is in control of everything, like it says in the Bible, then He can control my circumstances. And whatever He allows me to go through must be good for me in the end.

Complaining is actually rebellion towards Him. It accuses God of not doing things my way. It puts me in a toe-to-toe stance with God, and I don’t know anyone who thinks that sounds safe.

So next time I feel like complaining I want to remember to pray, “Thy will be done.” Does it sound hard to do? Yes. But like Paul said, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

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What is a woman anyway?

Published on by Thesearchforhappilyeverafter

“I don’t really know how to be a girl,” my student confessed. She was wearing a pink, flowered top with jeans, men’s shoes, and a short, spiky haircut. This beautiful teenage girl is only one of thousands of young women wondering what femininity really is and if it’s worth it.

I have numerous biologically female students (ie. they were born female) who profess to be gay or trans. This phenomenon seems to be prevalent in girls more than boys. I have had several interesting conversations with them, and the things they have told me are revealing. Some of the main reasons they tell me they have varied from the biological and heterosexual norms are:

“I have always liked ‘boy’ things, like sports and boys’ clothes.”

“My dad always treated me like a boy, so it’s more comfortable.”

“I was raped by a man, so I don’t think I could ever be in a relationship with one.”

“I don’t really know how to be a woman, and I am attracted to girls. Doesn’t that mean I should just be trans?”

“I don’t know. I just know I’m not like girls on social media. I don’t know where I fit in.”

“Being a woman seems weak. I want to be strong so no one can hurt me.”

These are just some of the reasons I’ve heard. I expressed empathy and kindness to these students, but I felt sad at the same time. Some of these are big reasons. And I hate that these girls have gone through so much trauma and confusion. I hate that they are struggling with such huge issues that I don’t believe kids should have to struggle with at such a young age.

But another thing I hate is that, in most of these circumstances, these girls are rejecting who they are. And they are rejecting the privilege of being female.

I think our culture has turned from the oppression of women throughout history—you know, when women were seen as another piece of property—and has twisted it all around so that being a woman is still considered a bad thing. Instead of being unable to vote or to own their own businesses, now women are “liberated” to the point that they can choose not to be a woman at all.

Why not want to be a woman? Because our culture actually values traditionally masculine traits like physical strength, having a career, being emotionally distant, etc. above feminine traits. It is looked down upon to be vulnerable, gentle, meek, or a mother. We see more and more female heroes in movies, but they are usually stoic and unfeminine. There are tons of female music artists, but they often make women look like sex objects instead of valuable human beings.

Our postmodern society thinks we have “evolved” to the point of liberating women above all past cultures, but maybe we are just projecting the same values and dressing them up to look different.

You see, God truly values women. In her book, Captivating, Stasi Eldridge pointed out that when God made the earth He went from the most basic things to the most complex. He created the simple parts (like dirt) in the beginning and, as the days went on, His creation became more detailed and more beautiful. What do you think was the final masterpiece of His creation? The last thing He made?… Woman! He sees woman as His crowning glory.

Jesus also cherished women during His time on earth. Bruce Marciano’s book, Jesus, the Man Who Loved Women, opened my eyes to this. Jesus broke social norms to treat women with compassion and show them they had value. There are numerous occasions in the Bible where He went out of his way to make a woman know that she was important (Mark 5:25-28, Luke 13:10-13, John 4:6-7, and many more).

I am still seeking to understand what exactly being a woman really means. It is something I have wrestled with a lot in my life. But one thing I do know is that being a girl/woman is not a bad thing. It is an honor. It is not something we should run from, but something we should embrace. We are an expression of God’s love that He created in the first book of the Bible (Genesis, chapters 1 and 2). We are made in God’s image. Yes, we are different from men, but that difference is good. Yes, we are often the more vulnerable humans (physically and while raising children), but we bring actual life to the world! Men can’t make people; only we can! What a privilege we have, ladies. Let us cherish our place in God’s plan for the world. Women are His beloved creation!

Note to my readers: I am planning to research and write more about what it means to be female. Please feel free to comment or send me your recommendations of articles or books to read on the subject. I would love to hear from you. -Lauren Lnewsom77@protonmail.com

Privilege

Published on by Thesearchforhappilyeverafter

As I was watching the fireworks tonight in my town, I turned from the explosions and looked at all the faces. There were so many different faces. Teenagers secretly recording but trying to act like they weren’t impressed. Families encircled by giggling toddlers. Children sitting transfixed with grandparents, staring at the sky. Different skin colors. Different ethnic backgrounds. All enjoying the privilege of being here in this moment.

I have to be honest, I’m tired of hearing the word “privilege.” People talk so much lately about some people having privilege and others being victims. But tonight I was thinking about all of us in this country watching fireworks.

We are all privileged.

Whether you watched fireworks on Juneteenth or July 4th or you celebrated more in January in China Town…if you live in this country YOU are PRIVILEGED.

Whether you were born here, moved here or hate it here, you are privileged.

People before us, for more than 200 years, have given their blood, sweat, and tears to make this country better for you. Did they make mistakes? Yes. Did they have different values? Yes. But do we live better, easier, freer, and more luxurious lives than anywhere else in this world? Yes!

The United States of America is not perfect. I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. But we are so blessed in this country. All of us are blessed. And our grandchildren will probably not have the freedoms we do. This peace will not last forever, and the First Amendment is being weakened every day.

It is up to each of us to focus our eyes on God and the blessings He has given us rather than on the problems. Complaining will lead you to more discontent. Thankfulness leads to peace and joy.

We have SO much to be thankful for. Focus on your blessings.

God bless America! ❤️

What We Really Deserve

Published on by Thesearchforhappilyeverafter

When I was in school as a kid all I could focus on was getting stickers on my chart or earning the coveted trip to the Treasure Box for another dollar store toy. I wanted to earn the favor of my teachers so bad! Come to think of it, I guess I continued this behavior all the way through college—but instead of stickers and slinkys, it was A’s and honor societies.

I always needed approval. I guess I thought I had to earn love or to prove my worth to others. That’s why I had such a hard time accepting God’s free gift of grace.

But I couldn’t do anything to earn God’s grace. His standard is too high. He says every person sins and we all fall short of his requirement of perfect holiness (Romans 3:23). In the book of Matthew Jesus said that even thinking about something bad is just as bad as doing it (Matthew 5). I remember my roommate in college once said,

“I just realized that all I deserve is hell. None of us deserve Heaven.”

She was right. I don’t deserve to be forgiven and I can’t be accepted by God based on my good deeds. That’s why Jesus steps in. His sacrifice made me able to finally be “good enough.” In Isaiah chapter 61, verse 10, it says,

“I delight greatly in the Lord…for he has clothed me in garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness…as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.”

Jesus is the only one who makes me good enough! He puts the righteousness on me. He makes me beautiful. He makes me acceptable to his Father.

I’m so thankful that I don’t have to fill up a chart to be good enough. And I’m so glad we believers in Christ won’t get what we really deserve! Thank you, Lord!

God of the Nobodies

Published on by Thesearchforhappilyeverafter

Sometimes I too caught up in the holiday masquerade. Do you? We work hard to look our best or make the best dessert to impress those certain judgmental relatives. We just want them to know we’re not the failures we feel like inside, that we are somebodies.

But in the middle of all of this I forget that the Christmas message—the news that the Son of God humbled himself to the point of diapers to save me—was first given to the nobodies.

The first people to hear weren’t churchy or successful or famous people. They were shepherds. They were poor and uneducated; maybe the equivalent of factory workers or garbage collectors today. The angels told the shepherds where the baby was. The king of their land couldn’t even find the baby. But God cared about the nobodies more than the somebodies. (See Luke chapter 2)

And that’s why he sent Jesus for you and me. No matter who you are, he loves you. Enough to die.

“The people living in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.” Isaiah 9:2

We All Deserve to be Cancelled

Published on by Thesearchforhappilyeverafter

Anyone else notice the new American fear? It’s not terrorism or earthquakes. It’s something that haunts us in a deeper level: the fear of being cancelled.

Just a few years ago, Americans discussed different viewpoints with an ounce of civility. There was always Uncle Fred—or that neighbor that gets real emotional—and you’d see someone explode in rage. That happens.

But something has changed this past year. Americans are taking sides. Disagreements that used to cause a little distance are causing divisions in families, churches, communities, and more.

There is a new mindset that has permeated popular culture since 2020. We can thank the race riots and the riotous race for president. The media trumpets this message louder every day:

“If you don’t fall in line, you will be kicked out of the crowd.”

There is a media stronghold in this country, and anyone who opposes it—or even just says something they consider disagreeable—that person gets “cancelled.” In other words: shunned. Pushed out of the discussion about the country. Snubbed from having any right to say anything. It’s the grown up equivalent to your parents sending you to your room when they didn’t “like your tone of voice.”

Popular culture has created a new religion, and it’s called “being woke.” The way to earn your salvation is to toe the line and be as politically correct as you can be. Your righteousness is in how “woke” you prove yourself to be.

Americans are shaking in their Nikes over this. What do we do? What if it happens to me? Will I be cancelled?

Here’s the truth: We all deserve to be cancelled.

The Bible says, “There is none righteous, no not one.” (Romans 3:10) All of us fall short of righteousness. All of us sin. None of us are good enough.

The media and its pundits would have us believe that we must think a certain way or vote a certain way or we are “bigots” or “racists” or “Uncle Toms.” Even though we know these labels aren’t true, they strike fear into our hearts. (I’m guilty of this fear too.) But the righteousness of the woke means nothing to God.

When we stand before God—not as an ethnic group or a race or a gender, but as individual humans—we will each see how our “good deeds” meant nothing to earn our individual salvation. Only those who believe in Jesus as their Savior will be seen as clean. Our social justice involvement won’t earn us a pass. Neither will our amount of melanin. How oppressed we feel or what gender we are won’t get us a better spot in Heaven.

“Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved.”

Acts 16:31

Only Jesus. Only He can save us. Only He can make us worthy. Because it’s not about anything we do or have done, it’s only about what He did for us on the cross. We have all sinned (yes, even bad thoughts are sin) and deserve eternal punishment in Hell. But Jesus Christ stepped in and voluntarily took that punishment in our place. That fact means that my future is secure no matter what the world thinks about me.

So, bring on the cancel culture. We all deserve it. But if you’re a believer, Jesus steps in and says, “You can cancel her, but I never will.”

What I Learned While Driving Uber

Published on by Thesearchforhappilyeverafter

So I started driving for Uber on the weekends just to bring in some extra cash. I was a little nervous, being a woman. I didn’t know if it would be safe.

People told me, “Just deliver food.” But I didn’t want to; I wanted to carry people. I thought I’d just try it out.

I’m glad I did.

I have learned a lot. I’ve learned that this country is not as divided as they say. People are still people. Political parties and “Institutional” divisions have not destroyed Americans.

You see, the critics want us to focus on the “them.” They want us to see divisions in our heads. To expect to be treated badly. To see “that group” as our enemies. They want us always seeing differences between us and other groups.

But when people get into my car they are not a group, a race, a political party. They are an individual. A unique human being, created by God. Beautiful in their uniqueness. Not just one in a crowd. Not just a member of an ethnic group or a skin color.

None of that matters in my car.

We see each other as people. We talk like friends. My riders and I laugh and share stories and act like what we are: people made in the image of God, brought together for a short car trip but connecting as human beings.

I wish we could all see each other that way every day. Free of tensions and stereotypes and fears. I pray daily for God to help me see each person I encounter through His eyes. He’s working on me and answering that prayer.

So, next time you ride Uber, especially if it’s my car, take the time to enjoy the miracle of a person driving or sitting beside you or in the cars around you. We are all worth getting to know.

American Esther

Published on by Thesearchforhappilyeverafter

I’m blessed to live in a country with a document that says I have the right to state my opinion, even if it’s unpopular. I’m thankful for my country; however, things are changing. More and more Americans do not feel safe voicing their opinions.

I’m thankful to live in a country where I can participate and live out my beliefs without fear. However, that is starting to change as well. For all of the Bible’s talk of love, some people publicly accuse Christians of hate simply because we have differing beliefs on certain things.

I’m grateful to live in a country with a free market, where I can start my own business or give people rides in my car to bring in extra income. But, yes, that too is changing. Many of the most powerful activists and leaders in Washington DC promote Marxism—an economic system where “equal”citizens equally own nothing and live as pawns in the hands of a rich group of rulers.

Even though, I’m blessed and thankful to live in America. God has put me here, right now, for a reason. He has a plan for each one of us. He does not make mistakes, and He is working all things out for our good (Romans 8:28). Just as God used Queen Esther to speak the truth in a dangerous time, He has called me to speak truth in “such a time as this” (Esther 4:14).

Let us live boldly and trust in the One who allowed us to be here at this very time in history, and who has a plan for each of our lives (Jeremiah 29:11). Let’s pray that America will prosper and be a land of freedom for all. But, let’s be faithful in trusting the Lord in what He allows and where He has placed us—even if things get worse.

“From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands.” Acts 17:26

Trust God. Speak truth. Love others. God bless America!

Who Are You?

Published on by Thesearchforhappilyeverafter1 Comment

Ok, we humans got a problem.

We don’t know who we are.

I mean this in two ways. First, at least in America, we have lost our sense of unity and pride in our country. We are divided to an extent that this History teacher has not seen in a long time.

The other identity problem we have, however, is worse. Since our culture has thrown out God, we have thrown out our hope and purpose.

You see, the Bible says that every human is made in the “image of God.” We are all made to represent Him. He thought us up—each of us—and He has given each of us a specific role to play in the story of life. Psalms 139 says, “You knit me together in my mother’s womb” and “all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Each of us was planned. No one is an accident.

But most of us in Western society have forgotten that. We have been been persuaded by popular phrases like “Follow your heart” and “Make your own destiny,” thinking that we are actually the source of who we are. We have become the captains of our own ships, leaving God as an afterthought. However, this empty way of thinking will lead to nothing but anxiety and depression. (Oh, yeah, and it’s no surprise those are some of the top issues that Americans struggle with.)

I work at a facility for teenagers with major life trauma. They have been abandoned, raped, assaulted, hated,…pretty much everything but loved. And these kids have some serious identity issues. Most of them cut themselves regularly and do other things to injure themselves. Others try to commit suicide. Others attack people, verbally and physically. Many of them are confused about their sexuality and gender identity. These kids have no concept of who they are, and it permeates every area of their lives. They are miserable.

But God loves them and created them. I try to tell them that as much as I can. I want them to know they are created who they are for a purpose.

Skeptical?…Read Psalm 139. It tells about how God knew you before you were born. He chose you. He created you. He knew every day of your life. He loved you immensely—and still does.

And as believers in Jesus we can say, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me. The life I now live I live through faith in the one true God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20). My identity is in Jesus Christ. It’s not about me anymore. It’s about him!

What identity security!